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I don’t want to be told I’m beautiful.

I don’t want to be called pretty or gorgeous or anything.

No, I don’t want none of that.

Nah…

You know, it’s like… like everyday telling me, “Hey, Madonna is famous”

Or “Your hair looks nice today.”

BAH!

Listen doll-face, I know who I am.

I know what I am and what I look like.

You don’t have to lie to me…

Well Wait- you’re not so much lying as… well… running out of new ways to dazzle me.

And you know it And its killing you and that kills me and one day soon youll look to me and say “gee, golly, Crystal, you sure are beautiful”, and then BAM we’ll both be dead and neither of us will look very beautiful at all.

So, no no no.

No more of that.

Instead, I recommend-

1) Tell me a joke.

Now, I don’t care if its naughty, silly, stupid, lame, old, new, racist, dirty, something you’ve put together over time or came up with on a whim – but I will laugh, I promise you that. I will chuckle or roar with laughter, or smirk and call you a buffoon. And then you’ll smile and laugh and you’ll tickle me and ill fall over and so will you trying to catch me and then we’ll both be on the ground laughing hysterically and trying not to pee our pants ( and trying not to let each other know about peeing our pants!)

(J)

2) Surprise me.

Blind fold me and tell me not to speak. Take me somewhere fun. Or romantic. Or memorable…… Or….. just talk to me. Tell me what you think about day to day- I won’t interrupt, I will be bound by the “no-speaking” clause. J You could even trick me, and tickle the daylights out of me. Ill either laugh and smile and playfully hit you, or do the pretend-pouty thing I do so well. And you will “feel awful” and kiss me. And trust me, that kiss will be wonderful.

3) Tell me you love me.

Now, I do not mean just walk by and say “I love you babe,” without so much as a glance at me. No, I mean, Move me. Maybe a couple times a month or so. Hold me real close like. (Not like the times before, but closer-without crushing me, of course!) Look at me. Not in my eyes- just at me. Now –you’re close, but you have to rock this next part or it’s not nearly as special-kiss me, tender but passionate-like. No tongue- just lips, and then linger just a tiny bit before NOW looking into my eyes and telling me I mean the world to you. Telling me that you can’t imagine life without me. Telling me that you are in love with me (and use my full name, I’ll melt!)- Not that you love me, but that you are IN love with me. Trust me, it matters.

4) Don’t say anything.

Granted, this one is tricky. If you nail this one more than twice I might just have to marry you!

There are times when- very rare times- I don’t need words. I don’t need a joke, or a surprise or adventure. And I not need to be told that I am loved. These times, I just want to be in your arms. I want to fall asleep in them and pretend like nothing else in the world matters at all. And if you ruin that moment by talking to me (even if you are trying to be romantic) I will hate you for about 6 seconds…. Now what makes this extra tricky is that if it is NOT one of those times, and you tell me nothing, I will hate you for about 6 minutes. And it will not be fun for either of us. So be warned, my love.

5) Be there.

You tell me that you will always be here for me. You tell me you will never leave me and you will always love me. Don’t just say it… do it. Stay with me. Forever and always. Be there for me. Always love me. And I promise you, my love I will return the favor J

Okay. So I lied a little.

It IS wonderful to be told I am beautiful.

So don’t completely forget it. But use some variety darling! Mix it up, and make me beg to know what’s next! I will be yours for forever and an eternity (whether you do or do not listen to this list, of course) But it is up to us to know how smoothly it will go.

My hearts an invitation, with your name, written on the front.

Decorated with the finest touch, Made to cheer you up.

I know that every bone inside me, strives to be with you.

Cause my heart cant keep inside the joy, let alone the truth.

You fascinate the mind that goes about & lives inside my head,

Alive with images of you and me, Lying in our bed.

Our kids will grow to tell of how their parents showed them how to love.

And they’ll be oh so wise, with hazel eyes, and their mothers sense of love.

And did you know that you were, all that i imagined, & look at all thats happened.

I give my heart, my only, everything to you, that is what I do.

You smile like you know you warm my heart and every inch of me.

I’d tell you more but darling with my breath, you stole away my speech.

I’ve nothing left to offer but what is true, & i wrote it down on paper, labeled ‘Love Song for You.’

We’ll build a house of love, with our bare hands & watch it come to life.

And we’ll have pool parties with lots of trees that shade us in the light.

Our moms will have their fun, and talk about the childhoods that came.

Our dads will cheer and scream, and have their fun, as they watch the game.

Our hearts will open up and form to one as they speak the truth,

Of how the lord has blessed us with the love that i get to share with you.

Snow White and Cinderella never had a fairy tale so nice,

And we’ll get critisize ’cause Disney lives have got nothing on our life.

Did you know that you were all that i imagined, & look at all thats happened.

I give my heart, my only, everything to you, that is what I do.

You smile like you know you hold my heart and every inch of me.

I’d tell you more but darling with my breath, you stole away my speech.

I’ve nothing left to offer but what is true, & i wrote it down on paper, labeled ‘Love Song for You.’

Did you know that you were all that i imagined, & look at all thats happened.

I give my heart, my only, everything to you, that is what I do.

You smile like you know you hold my heart and every inch of me.

I’d tell you more but darling with my breath, you stole away my speech.

I’ve nothing left to offer but what is true, & i wrote it down on paper, labeled ‘Love Song for You.’

This is my love song for you.

This is my love song for you,

This is my love song for you,

This is my love song for you.

Love Song For You, By Mike Coia. It’s a beautiful song, So please visit Coia’s Myspace and buy the song.  These are the Lyrics as best represented by Myself. I couldn’t find the true lyrics online, so I apologize if any of it is wrong.

“The problem is there,

The problem is true.

Should we pair?

Or do i not love you?

This feeling i get

deep deep down inside,

is it fire getting wet,

or a swarm of butterflies?

It’s impossible to describe

exactly how i feel.

I could describe it as dying,

or living for thrill.

I’m asking you now,

you, gods from above,

Just answer me how-

to love, or not to love?”

-Another old School assignment…

:)

We were laying in bed together, you know- as most couples do…- And we got to talking. We talked about so much. How he kind of liked my best friend once a long long time ago. How our relationship has been rough, but its made us stronger. Different sexual things we should try… :p How he would bring me flowers everyday after i die, and if not i’d haunt him. :) But after it all, i told him how i’m always afraid of losing him and he’s the best thing thats ever happened to me, He looked at me (with SUCH an intensity) and told me that he would ALWAYS love me. No matter what. And i would always be his first love. to which i corrected, ‘only love.’ :)

it was one of those moments that makes everything else seem silly and irrelevant.

This was another weird one.

Well, i like, lived in my house with all my friends kinda. but then my camp was my house. but then it was like a mall-store that was my camp and all my friends were there. and i was friends with The Todd from Scrubs. And i was shopping for underwear and asking his advice on which ones to get. But i couldn’t find him and then i got lost and found my way into a like… restroom/changing room place. and it was huge. so i’m walking down this aisle of doors and i run into two of my friends -who are going out with each other- and someone farts, and my guy friend says it was me, but i just keep walking and go into one of the doors to use the restroom. but while im going, these two little boys show up in the stall and one of them is telling me that i cant be in there and that hes mad at me and such. and i keep trying to get him out and he finally leaves. and when i finally leave, im carrying these planks of wood for the camp and im in my room and listening in on the camp meeting. i notice there are alot of names carved into the planks of wood. so i go to take them outside and my two friends i saw before are sitting outside my door. i say hi and keep walking, then i see this huge bug and its scary looking so i throw a book at it to squash it. it lands on the bug but it dosent die, and it starts flying at me, so i freak out and run to my room and shut the door. my friends sitting outside finally convince me to open th door, and the bug flies in so i run out screaming. i dont really remember some of this part. i know i was at my boyfriends house walking around the neighborhood and there was a natural disaster of some kind happening. but i do remember the next part. i was in my room, but it wasnt my house. and one of my guy friends that i dont see too often was there. and he was drunk or something. but we were sitting on my bed talking and he kept getting close to me, and he kissed me. and i didnt kiss back. but i didnt pull away. i think because i was in shock. and after that i kept telling him not to tell anyone about it, and that it was just a mistake, and he kept questioning me. then he did it again and more agressively. and i couldnt do anything about it. and i tried to pull away. and my alarm woke me up at that point. im kindof weirded out though.
cause i felt bad because i had a boyfriend. but it sad or anger. it was fear.

idk. right now my mind is quite unstable. like, im trying to find a therapist before i do anything super stupid.

I dont want to breakup with my boyfriend, but i feel like were not clicking like we used to. its depressing, really.

blaghfcbdsfbwea

yah….