seeing as how my internet thing is missing…. :/ awkwardddd.

So the boyfriend is is Nashville. :[ very far. very not with me. I will not see him for 3 whole weeks. GAH. Because the day he gets back, is the day i leave to go be a counselor at my diabetes summer camp for two weeks.

fjkeslakfwsh.

Anywho, i officially DONT have any “Best friend” right now. just multiple friend-like things. awesommme.

I’m excited.

So, it’s fourth of July, and i’m hiding away in my room because if i go downstairs to my parents party, i’ll either end up babysitting, or being picked on my the ‘adults’. no bueno. and for SOME reason, i cant go out to my friends house. AWESOME. I’m not sure why, really.

So, on an unrelated side-note; i had a dream the other night about this guy from my camp that i used to practically be in love with. and as awful as it sounds, the pressure of doing something with him at camp this year is unbearable. i love my boyfriend, but something deep down tells me that we wont be together forever… and i love this guy, we have like EVERYTHING in common. he doesn’t know i love him. and to be honest, i know that nothing will happen with him. but i’m afraid of me starting to love him again. no bueno.

*sigh* i need to clean my motha fuckin’ room.

:/

Its true.
I never see my friends or boyfriend anymore.

In fact, i consider myself pretty friendless right now. And probably boyfriendless soon.

I blame myself, really. who would want to be friends with me? who would want to date me? a damn fool, thats who. i wouldnt date me.

wow, ive always kinda wondered what a broken heart feels like… now i want more than anything for it to be fixed, but i’m the only one who can fix it. but i dont know how to fix it.

i never wanted to cry over a boy again.

i never wanted to cry again.

*sigh*

is dying too easy of a way out?

This is more addicting than i thought… and by ‘this’ i mean blogging, of course. I can see how some of you get sucked into it so easily.

Although; i think its greatly different from person to person- i write about teenage girl crap such as boys friends, school, life etc. and some older guy could just purely write about how many tacos he’s eaten in his life and the varieties of them.

… okay maybe not tacos. But you get my point.

Anyway; Who’s up for todays update??

Awesome! Okay, So i’m happy cause i’ve been getting to spend time with my friends lately- including my best friend who i never see anymore. but also including her boyfriend. I’m going to be honest;i don’t particularly care for him. I don’t like that he asked her out and they barely even knew each other. I don’t like how quickly their relationship is moving ( i wouldn’t be surprised if they were married tomorrow.) But i think that i mostly don’t like that he stole her away from me. I understand wanting to spend time with your boyfriend… but blowing off your friends for him? AND, to top it off, He got pissed off at me when me and a few of our friends went to magic mountain without her. EVEN THOUGH SHE MOST LIKELY DIDN’T GO BECAUSE OF HIM! Yeah, thats right. She CHOSE not to go. but i get the cold shoulder. wtf… I don’t like how “perfect” he is, also. I can see why she loves him, he practically worships her, and always acts like a ‘gentleman’ with her.

I don’t know. maybe i’m just paranoid about losing my (soon to be former) best friend…. over a guy!

Fucking teenage drama bullshit.

Anyway; So my other best friend- the one thats in Hawaii right now- called me last night, practically in tears. Apparently her other two best friends are making her feel like shit, and she really wishes i were there. She told me that she doesn’t think shell stay friends with them anymore- which sucks! i don’t want her to lose her two best friends from grade school. I don’t like seeing her this upset. :[ As much as i wish i could be there, im kind of glad that i’m not. Cause i know about this shit. Put a bunch of teenage girls together on a tropical island far away, and shit happens. granted; i tend to not get caught in the fights. i’m mostly the moderator. i try to make things better between both parties. Thats just how i am, i guess.

AUGH. i hope everything ends up getting resolved. i detest conflict.

PeaceOut,PiggieSnout.