This was another weird one.

Well, i like, lived in my house with all my friends kinda. but then my camp was my house. but then it was like a mall-store that was my camp and all my friends were there. and i was friends with The Todd from Scrubs. And i was shopping for underwear and asking his advice on which ones to get. But i couldn’t find him and then i got lost and found my way into a like… restroom/changing room place. and it was huge. so i’m walking down this aisle of doors and i run into two of my friends -who are going out with each other- and someone farts, and my guy friend says it was me, but i just keep walking and go into one of the doors to use the restroom. but while im going, these two little boys show up in the stall and one of them is telling me that i cant be in there and that hes mad at me and such. and i keep trying to get him out and he finally leaves. and when i finally leave, im carrying these planks of wood for the camp and im in my room and listening in on the camp meeting. i notice there are alot of names carved into the planks of wood. so i go to take them outside and my two friends i saw before are sitting outside my door. i say hi and keep walking, then i see this huge bug and its scary looking so i throw a book at it to squash it. it lands on the bug but it dosent die, and it starts flying at me, so i freak out and run to my room and shut the door. my friends sitting outside finally convince me to open th door, and the bug flies in so i run out screaming. i dont really remember some of this part. i know i was at my boyfriends house walking around the neighborhood and there was a natural disaster of some kind happening. but i do remember the next part. i was in my room, but it wasnt my house. and one of my guy friends that i dont see too often was there. and he was drunk or something. but we were sitting on my bed talking and he kept getting close to me, and he kissed me. and i didnt kiss back. but i didnt pull away. i think because i was in shock. and after that i kept telling him not to tell anyone about it, and that it was just a mistake, and he kept questioning me. then he did it again and more agressively. and i couldnt do anything about it. and i tried to pull away. and my alarm woke me up at that point. im kindof weirded out though.
cause i felt bad because i had a boyfriend. but it sad or anger. it was fear.

idk. right now my mind is quite unstable. like, im trying to find a therapist before i do anything super stupid.

I dont want to breakup with my boyfriend, but i feel like were not clicking like we used to. its depressing, really.

blaghfcbdsfbwea

yah….

It’s been an interesting past few days.

I’ve loved, I’ve hated, and I’ve blown hundreds of dollars.

My little sisters birthday was on Wednesday, so (since i have a job, and money now) i got her some nice presents, and spent the day with her, and helped my mom suprise her with her “big” birthday present. She also graduated elementary school on Thursday, and had her birthday party yesterday. Ive done ALOT for her these past few days. and it turns out she didn’t want me at her birthday party…. so i went on a double date with the love of my life and my best friend and her man-friend. We saw Get Smart. (It was awesome :] and funny and witty and clever. ) then i went with the boyfriend to see his new house in Quarts Hill (Yes, i know. hes moving to QUARTS HILL! AUUUGH so far awayyyy :’[ gah) and we... well, hung out. :] But the day before this, me and my love went down to LA so i could buy my fender and bumper for my car. OMGGG. LA traffic is AWFUL. LA weather is AWFUL. LA people are AWFUL. LA is AWFUL. granted we were in like the super-ghetto, but still. I’m SOO glad i brought my boyfriend with me. i probably woulda been mugged or raped without him. no lie. but hey, at least we got the parts. and for pretty cheap too. Then today was the craziest. I woke up at 9. i was SUPPOSED to go help my love move. BUT my dad decides to be a butthole and make me help him take stuff to the dump from my grandmas house. Which-i knew about, but com’on, who wants to do that?? and i had to go to work at 12, so i didnt wanna get dirty. and moving wont make me dirty. But i guess i didn’t give my had a good enough heads up about it, so i had to help at my grandmas. But i was able to escape early because i had to take my mom to work at 11 so i could have the car to go to work at 12. i proceeded to go help my boyfriend move in that 45 minutes i had to kill-only to discover that almost my whole posse is already there helping! so i got to help and hang out for a while. then i was almost late to work because i was watching my love’s baby sister (who is the CUTEST baby in the WORLD!!!) and i had to change in my car. that was fun. work was pretty boring, and tiring, but i got to work with my friends… so thats cool. THEN i had to come home, buy stuff for dinner, and clean up, get yelled at for my ‘hissy fit’ from this morning, etc etc. and i was suprisingly allowed to go out and see a movie with some people from work (ironic, i know-right?) (Get Smart, again, fyi) and that got out at 12:45ish. so then (since i didnt drive) i get drug over to my other friend who is at this party with all these drunks who are smoking and stuff. and theyre all pervy guys. i didnt wanna be there becaue A) i was tired. B) i had to pee, and i DID NOT wanna pee there. C) i was very thirsty but i didnt want beer. and D) i didnt wanna get in trouble for being late. (which i think i did… :/) so yeah. busy day. busy busy day(s). sorry i havent posted in a while, i’ve not had the time or energy….

however, i’ll try to be consistent. :]

<3

ilovemyboyfriend(on a side note)

He did. :] True story.

Alright, alright, I mean- he HAS told me that he loves me before. We tell each other every day. But recently i’ve noticed that when he says it, he averts his eyes. he looks anywhere but at me when he says it. It didn’t really bother me or anything, i just thought it was weird, and felt a little impersonal-you know? Anyway; Last night we went to the midnight showing of Incredible Hulk with some friends, and afterward instead of going out to Dennys to eat with everyone, i drove my love home cause he was tired (I was driving my dad’s car due to mine not working). After sitting in front of his house for a while- you know, doing the usual; talking, kissing, etc…- he looked at me and said “i love you” In a way that… well honestly i don’t think i’ve heard him say in a while, at least. I dont know, i know its corny, but little things that mean everything to me. You know? Like, i dont care if he tells the whole world that he loves me, just as long as when its just me and him, he means it- not just saying, but meaning. The kind of ‘I love you” that makes me sure that i want to spend forever with him.

Aww, now its getting all mushy. :]

PeaceLove&ALackOfDrugs