im pretty sure ive succeeded in having everyone hate me to some degree…

My boyfriend wont talk to me, and i’m too stubborn and ashamed to start a conversation with him.

My family thinks im just being difficult and yell at me or ask me if i need to see a doctor mockingly.

My life is unfolding just like i knew it would.

I cant cry anymore. These past few days have been filled with anonymous tears. after the night before last, i feel like shit. i definitely took it too far, most likely. But i wasnt scared. i was numb. i didnt care. for once in my life i didnt give a damn about what anyone would think. anyway. now im just kind of… exsisting. im not living.theres more to life than what im going through.

I am.. I mean, i just want to know what would possess someone to cause physical or emotional harm to anyone on purpose.

Why are there shootings, and murders, and gang bangs and rapes and all of that. I mean, really.

I’m terrified everytime i get in my car to go somewhere. Everytime i’m home alone. I’m afraid to go out at night.

Life is so short. i dont want it to be wasted because some dumbass decided he wanted to kill me.

also; my grandmother is dying and im kindof emotional right now.

fun.

:)

We were laying in bed together, you know- as most couples do…- And we got to talking. We talked about so much. How he kind of liked my best friend once a long long time ago. How our relationship has been rough, but its made us stronger. Different sexual things we should try… :p How he would bring me flowers everyday after i die, and if not i’d haunt him. :) But after it all, i told him how i’m always afraid of losing him and he’s the best thing thats ever happened to me, He looked at me (with SUCH an intensity) and told me that he would ALWAYS love me. No matter what. And i would always be his first love. to which i corrected, ‘only love.’ :)

it was one of those moments that makes everything else seem silly and irrelevant.

I’m obviously new at this…

But… Well…. Lets face it; We ALL want to rant about our lives, and what crappy or wonderful days we had. We ALL want to write about who said what about who, even though were ’sworn to secrecy’ I used to think(and partially still do think) that blogs are silly. That people who write blogs are just attention whores–which, in retrospect, may verwell be true, because i have lowered myself to the bloggers world.

So, Lets do this, shall we?

Basically, I’m on my own right now. My car doesn’t work, My boyfriend doesn’t have a license, My best friend has abandoned me for her boyfriend(and also the death of her dog she’s had since she was a baby-which i understand), and she wont even drive the half a mile to my house to see me. My other best friend-the one that has been there for me more than ever these past few weeks- is in Hawaii with her two best friends(besides me). I’m pretty much home alone during the day because my dad works, and so does my mom(but she has more irregular hours) who ignores me or makes me do ‘chores’ when she IS home, and my sister-who hates me and will do anything to make me want to be homicidal towards her- is at school. I gotta tell you; so far life outside of high school isn’t too fun.

Anyways; i feel like since the people I’m usually close with aren’t available, I’m making friends and decisions that i wouldn’t normally make otherwise. None of which i will say here because, honestly, who KNOWS who reads these things?

yep.

aww I’m so proud!

My First Rant. :’)

Peace&ChickenGrease